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Can you hear yourself? Have you ever take care of your own feelings?

1/16/2018

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​​Can you hear yourself? Have you ever take care of your own feelings?
Have you ever listen to the inner talking inside your heart?
​Can you hear yourself? Have you ever take care of your own feelings?
Have you ever listen to the inner talking inside your heart?

No matter if you're a quiet person or a noisy person, you would still talk to yourself. Maybe you can hear it and maybe you cannot? The highest chance is that maybe you can't even hear or you don't know.
This morning when I was sitting by my bed and I discover only in three seconds I have 4 thoughts already.
  1. To remind myself what I have to do today?
  2. What did I do yesterday?
  3. What did people say to me yesterday ?
  4. And what am I unhappy about?
In the past 30 years I never knew that I would have so many thoughts in a split-second.

I like to give an explanation of why I do not know:
When I have a thought that I need to take action, I would leave aside the other thoughts that were in my mind.
And there's just too many things going on every day, there are some incidents or emotions that was never followed up properly. But thoughts and feelings linger for a long time, you might forget about the incident, but the feeling is still there and it's deeply attached to you. When another similar incident happened, the feeling will pop up again. This is called association.
When a fish that smells bad, you whenever you see fish again, you link to bad feelings. But fish was neutral in itself.
You would shape a feeling or make a judgement on everyone and the most direct one is whether you like him(or her) or you don't like him (or her). He might have said one thing to you, or maybe he is busy at that moment, and didn't say a word to you, or not even take a look at you.
The next time, you might forget what had happened because there are too many things going on every day. But when you look at him (or her), there is a general feeling of dislike or even disgust, but you may not  recall why you have such feeling.

If your mouth won't admit it, so is your heart
We are very prone to have bad emotions or negative emotions that are hard to express to someone. Because we don't have the guts to mention it or to deal with it in person who caused such negative emotions.  We tend to avoid tension.
As time went on, a habitual non-action to negative feelings would cause your brain to ignore those negative feelings or it suppress or deny those negative feelings. However, those inner feelings are real and can't be hidden or denied. The long buried feelings would still surface one day.
For example, an old man who had a hunch back cannot straighten up his body any more, it became a habit and he didn't even feel the problem as if it is normal, pretty like ignoring your negative emotions

​​How can I be a better listener (to myself)?

1. Keep a Reflection dairy.
Record what happened that day and recall your emotions. By reflecting, you recognize your feeling and it helped you to think of solutions to deal with those feelings. If you like to discover yourself through looking bad what shaped you to be the person you are today, I would like to recommend this psychology textbook, but you gonna have to spend time reading, and at the end of every chapter there is a section "time to reflect". I was able to rediscover myself through this book. There wasn't a lot of customer review for this book and this is the 11th edition, you can find second hand book of an earlier edition. I also bought the used book and it can save you money.

I Never Knew I Had a Choice: Explorations in Personal Growth

Previous Version:
I Never Knew I Had A Choice: Explorations in Personal Growth
2. Practice Meditation.
From the concentration in your breathing, and when your thoughts leave your breathing, you'll be able to recognize the moment your thought went away and catch that thought instead of drifting (daydreaming). It helps you to understand yourself. The book below it's written by a meditation expert who taught in Google about methods of relaxation. He also taught stress relief clinic in hospital to help patients to cure pain that couldn't be cured by medication.
Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life
 You can try the YouTube link below and follow his instruction and see what would you feel.
this link
​3. You can also record directly from the voice memo of an iPhone, listen to yourself, your choice of words, your description about the situation. You will find your thoughts in a positive or negative emotion.
Related Posts:
How can I erase my wife's painful memory?
How I rebuild my broken marriage?



​你聽到自己嗎?有處理你的感受嗎?

你聽到自己嗎?有處理你的感受嗎?你有沒有聽到自己內心對話?

文靜的人,嘈吵的人都會同自己對話,你可能聽到,你可能聽不到?最大可能是你們聽不到也不知道。
今天早上,我坐在床上發現自己在兩三秒內,已經是想起三四個念頭。
  1. 提自己今日要做什麼?
  2. 昨日做了什麼?
  3. 人們跟我說了些什麼?
  4. 我有什麼不開心?
在之前30多年裏面,我從不發現自己原來短短幾秒會有這麼多思想。

我嘗試解釋為什麼我不知道:
當我想起一個有需要行動的念頭時候,便把其他念頭暫時放下了。
因為每天的事太多,有些事情或情緒,從來沒有跟進。但思想感覺是不會離去的,它會留很久。當事情不記得,感覺還在,感覺緊緊的藏在心上,在想起其他類似的事件時,感覺又會再跳出來。

其實,你對每個人也有一點感覺,最直接就是喜歡不喜歡等。他可能對你只說了一句話,也可能他比較忙,沒有跟你說一句話,連看你一眼也沒有。之後,你通常忘記了這事,因為每天事情太多。但你再看到他時,不喜歡的感覺會浮現,但你再沒有記起為什麼不喜歡他。

你口裡不說,你的心也不認了
我們尤容易於將一些困難或負面的情緒收起。因為我們沒有膽跟別人說起或處理這種感覺。
時間久了,習慣性的不處理,腦袋對這種感覺麻木,及不懂反應了。但內在的感覺是只是隱藏或被否認,埋藏已久的問題有一天會浮現!
例如:一個老人他寒背了很久,腰不能挺直,頭不能直望。但時間太久,他已經習慣,感覺麻木。

點聽到自己講野?
​1.寫反省日記,記錄當日發生的事情及情緒,了解自己的感覺。如想重新及了解自己而英文水準可以的話,我介紹這本心理學教科書,但你需花不少時間閱讀並回答每一課的"Time to reflect"。我也是從這書了解自己,沒有亂介紹你。這書的 customer review不多,因為是第11版 ,你可找到以前的版本或買二手書。我也是買已用過的,可省錢。
I Never Knew I Had a Choice: Explorations in Personal Growth

上一個版本:
I Never Knew I Had A Choice: Explorations in Personal Growth
2. Meditation 冥想集中留意自己的呼吸,並留意思緒離開呼吸時,所想的事情。有助了解自己。以下介紹是一位大師曾於美國GOOGLE裡任教放鬆的方法。更曾任醫院為病人解除藥物不能治療的痛症。

Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life
也可試以下Youtube連結的方法,照他的方法,看看有什麼體會。
this link
​​3. 直接蘋果Voice memo錄音講出你當時所想的事,重聽並留意自己的用詞及描述。你會發現你的思想是正處於正面或負面情緒。
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